Sexuality and disability

I was having trouble figuring out what topic to blog on next, so I asked some people at my bar today at work. One of our regulars at the restaurant is a 21 year old girl with spina bifida who uses a wheel chair. We had a long conversation about sexuality among people with disabilities so I decided, with her consent, to talk about what we discussed.

Firstly, it is not impossible for people with disabilities to be physically intimate or to bear children. But it would seem that popular opinion would prefer otherwise. One of the things we discussed was how many people do not talk about sex with disabled persons; they tend to avoid the conversation altogether. It is almost as if they believe that because a person in a wheel chair can not walk then they can not have sexual relations or give birth. Or perhaps, they just don't want disabled persons to breed ( we talked about eugenics also). This is a kind of discrimination that I had not really thought about before. My bar patron told me about many disabled girls she had known whose parents took steps to make them impregnable before they had even hit puberty- by putting them on the Depo Provera shot or other birth control methods that prevent one from having a period. She was very upset about this because many of these parents were doing this to their disabled children without their knowledgeable consent. It was as if they were preventing their daughters' reproductive rights.

Of course, we also discussed many of the issues involved in a disabled person having sex or giving birth. My bar patron says that she has chosen not to try, just because she believes that the mechanics of trying to make intercourse work between she and another person would just be too complicated, since she does not have use of her legs. But, she feels that it is certainly possible and probably desireable for many disabled persons. Also, she is aware that it could be dangerous to her health to try to conceive children. One article I have read online says that it is actually not that dangerous for women with spina bifida to give birth, but it also went on to describe the kinds of ailments and birth defects that are possible for the child. So, I guess it is a difficult issue regardless of how you look at it. My bar patron is thankful to have parents who are open minded and willing to talk to her about anything she has questions on, so she has a pretty informed attitude about her disability (and she actually happens to be working on her bachelors of social work).

The issue here seems to be about who we think should and should not be having sex in our society. Biologically and psychologically, my bar patron is fully capable of having sexual relations with another person. And as far as age goes, she is a young adult which seems to be the age for exploring sexuality and conceiving children. But physically, this could be complicated. Regardless of any issues she may have personally however, she feels that the biggest issue is other people.

Here is a very interesting article on reproductive rights and sexuality for disabled persons: http://www.newint.org/issue233/fruit.htm